The Scillies!

I haven't written for a while and there is much to catch up on. I'll write a series of posts rather than try and capture it all in one as it's a real mix of emotions... but let me start with the Scillies... the World Pilot Gig Championships which has been my main focus for the last six months and which has, for the most part, kept me sane.

When my friend, Kerry, first asked me to be part of a crew to take part in the World Champs I jumped at the chance. She came round to my house the day after I got back to Cornwall after Oli's funeral and I was feeling lost and alone. The chance to be part of a crew; a tribe of people all with the same focus seemed like the perfect thing for me to get my teeth stuck into and it was. The training and comradery gave me focus and friendship just when I needed it most and, of course, it kept me out of the wine bottle (for the most part) and into the fresh air, giving me a level of fitness I have never experienced before.

And, all of a sudden, six months later, here we were. On the Scillonian III, the ferry from Penzance to St Mary's, with our rowing kit packed and in trepidation in our hearts. Dolphins followed the ferry in... not that I saw them, of course. A very old friend from when I worked on an airfield in Berkshire, 20 years ago, was on the same ferry for the same reason and we bumped into each other as we disembarked...'Did you see the dolphins?' Sophie asked, with an excitement that shared the fact she knew of their relevance to me. 'No! I was inside!'... Sophie looked as disappointed as I felt that I didn't see them, but they were there... Oli was there.. following us in.

My crew shared a house right by Town Beach where all the action happens and we were in the thick of it. The island was bustling with people of all shapes and sizes in rowing vest tops and leggings pulling and pushing Gig boats around and carrying oars on their shoulders. The vibrant colours of the boats against the white, sparkling sand of the beach and the turquoise waters of the sea was alive and brilliant and we all felt part of something incredible. To feel part of a crew of seven is one thing, but to be in the throng of over a hundred crews is completely another.

Photos couretsy of Issac Ogden Photography where labelled

Our first race felt long... St Agnes Race or 'The Aggie Race'. It's 3.3 km, which to me, still sounds a really long way.. and it's even longer when you have to row to the start line first! All of the races are lung busting, muscle burning endurances. There's a saying that you are to leave nothing in the boat when you are racing and none of us did! We pushed ourselves to our middle aged, semi fit limit and none of us could have done more. Over the next three days we raced the Aggie twice and Nut Rock (slightly shorter at 2.7km but somehow feels longer!) four times. I rowed in two crews - Ladies Super Vets (over 50yrs) and Ladies B Team. Overall, as Super Vets, we did OK coming 15th out of 40 and 73rd out of 133 in the Open for the Ladies B, but we did come first in our heat in the Open which meant we won a trophy and got to go up on the podium to collect it... If any of you would like to see a drunk, middle aged woman make a complete idiot of herself by doing Mum Dancing on her own on the podium, whilst the rest of the crew celebrated together, feel free to find it on YouTube... or on Facebook... apparently, it's hilarious... I just think I look like a twat! (in hindsight, I find it slightly hilarious too... luckily I have learnt, over the years, to laugh at myself, as I've had numerous occasions where I have made that possible).

The rest of the week was spent admiring the beautiful islands of the Scillies with help from a friend from Portscatho who had come over on his boat and took us around the islands one day, and numerous bottles of Rose. If our crew only came 15th out of 40 in the Super Vets race then we would have been absolute outright winners of the wine drinking competition... I have no idea exactly how many bottles of wine we consumed as a crew that week, but I'm guessing it was a lot... I know it's not big and it's not clever, but bloody hell, we are good at it and I know it's not cool to say this, but I really love drinking! Especially yummy wine.. in the sun... with friends... when we've just rowed our middle aged hearts out!

It was a fantastic week and one I will remember for a very long time... apart from the bits that I don't remember from intoxication! It has, however, left me feeling a little untethered. Since Oli's funeral, I've had something to focus on.. to spend time on and to turn up for. My life was funnelled down towards this one event and now it's over I feel I've popped out the other side and the horizon is vast... I'm no longer funnelled into one occasion, but instead have my future spread out before me and at present, it looks blank.. endless and characterless. I feel I now have the opportunity to stop... to take a breath and work out what I want my future to look like. I have no dependants, apart from the wonderful Mary, who I adore. I have my house, which I very much hope, is nearly finished from all the building work and I have my part time job. I can do anything I want... anything I put my mind to.. or nothing.. I don't have to do anything (but I feel that maybe a waste)..

So now is my time for reflection.. for thinking about my future and what that looks like and thinking about what I want from this life. It's not easy... it seems overwhelming and, at times, too much pressure to make it a perfect life.... I don't want a perfect life.. I just want one where I am content and challenged... and with adventure... and with love... I would like love in there somewhere.