It's been a relatively good week. I've generally been on good form, kept busy and felt like I could cope with my new, not asked for and definitely didn't want, life. Until today. Today feels like a heavy weight has been tied around my neck as I drag grief around with me. The weather is wet, grey and windy and it's the 1st December. Christmas songs have started on the radio and I realise with a new wave of despair that the next month is going to be complete hell.

Last week was a week of glorious highs and pain crushing lows. Monday and Tuesday were probably my worst days to date, as my previous post will testify but Wednesday was better. I was invited to a lovely Hen Do (do not picture a bunch of twenty to thirty somethings in tutus and a tiara waving plastic willies around - this was sophisticated!) where I met some new people; had a fab meal at a local hotel and watched Mama Mia in a private cinema where everyone got up and dan