Hold on to your hats..

Hold onto your hats, people.... this may just be a blog post that is NOT about grief! I know! Progress, eh?

This post is about the wonder that is rowing, team work and stepping outside your comfort zone! On Saturday, 14th March, five months to the day that Oli died, I, along with my fantastic crew, took part in the Three Rivers Race. This is no ordinary race... this is 6 miles of excruciating pain.. a race of endurance.. a race that takes in not one, but three rivers. It starts underneath the Tamar bridge in Saltash - an imposing bridge built in the 1950's which runs along side the Royal Albert Bridge built by the great Isambard Kingdom Brunel (his parents knew how to name a baby, didn't they..? I mean it wouldn't sound the same if they'd called him Keith!). The three rivers that make up the course of the race are the Tamar, Tavy and Lynher.. although when you're rowing you really don't give a toss about which river you're on...

This race was not designed for a person like me. If you had told me two years ago that I would be racing as part of a Gig team, in a 6 mile race and that we would be racing for an hour, I would have told you to get serious... in fact, I would have substituted serious with another word beginning with 'f' (I'm trying to get better at not swearing so much on this blog but it's really hard)! In the last two years anxiety, grief and a whole load of rowing has shed me of over 12kgs.. my bingo wings have gone, my muffin top... gone, my legs are lean.. I mean, there's still a bit of a tummy there.. I'm far from perfect but even my Mum told me that I'm starting to look like my older sister, who is the leanest, healthiest woman alive so I was quite chuffed with that! However, I am still a middle aged woman who up until very recently did very little exercise, loved wine and crisps and Haribo and the only thing that has changed is the exercise so this race was a nemesis that I needed to conquer. In the weeks leading up to the race I felt a continuous level of dread running through my veins.. it made me nervous and slightly nauseous to think about it. Since Oli died, my confidence has taken a beating along with my levels of self esteem. It's difficult to recognise how much your partner boosts you just by being at your side when all is well but when they suddenly disappear you feel completely stripped of the support they provided in order for you to thrive and be yourself. So this race was a big deal. I wasn't sure I could do it, I thought I might let the rest of the crew down, I knew I was going to be in a lot of pain and I just couldn't wait for it to be over... it played on my mind constantly. I just didn't want to do it.

We arrived to beautiful sunshine. It is quite amazing to see so many gig boats lined up on trailers along the shore - all different colours - it was beautiful. It was also great to see all the crews. Gig racing really is so inclusive of all ages, shapes and sizes. Each club has a different crew kit that identifies them.. the vest tops and jackets match the boats... it looks so friggin' cool. It made me really proud to be walking around in our red jackets with 'Roseland Gig Club' on the back. Down the arm we have, in big capital letters, our motto which is 'NA POWES'... which means 'No Rest' in Cornish. Being part of a team and wearing a uniform made me feel a lot better. I love being part of a crew and the comradery that goes with it boosted me before the race.

Once on the start line the butterflies started to go in my stomach. When I get nervous I get short of breath which really doesn't help when you have to complete a racing start.. the first few strokes of the race are quick and fierce and I struggled to get my breath but once we strided out and got into a steady pace it was easier. We did well with our start, getting ahead of all the other crews but the strongest soon caught up and by the second marker I was clashing oars with another boat.. it's a dog eat dog world out there!

Anyway, I won't bore you with a blow by blow detail of the race.. once you're in it its pretty much the same all the way around.. painful, stressful and exhilarating all at the same time. But, after 56 minutes and 24 seconds we crossed the finish line. We weren't the quickest by a long shot but we came first out of all the Super Vets crews which was more than enough to prove our metal and that we are contenders for the World Championships in a few weeks time. The other Roseland crews all did really well too.... it was a good day.

Needless to say, I'm pleased it's over but thoroughly enjoyed it. It has set me up for the Scillies and I know now, that I have a level of fitness that can take me there... there is still much work to be done and by the time we get on the Scillonian ferry we will be even more prepared and fitter than we were for the Three Rivers.

BUT... what has really come out of it is the sense of spirit. I am part of a crew of beautiful, powerful, funny, intelligent, strong women who pull together to achieve amazing things. We have been thrown together by our Captain, Kerry, and have blended into a tight group of friends who are determined to be there for each other, no matter what. They bring joy and laughter to every situation but never detract from the strength they bring to the boat. Their kindness and determination shine through at every turn and I have never been more proud to be part of something.... Girls... you fucking ROCK!!

We are also coxed by a very patient, consistent, gentle man... who literally has the patience of a saint. He has given us guidance and technique training second to none. He has taken some of us, who had very little rowing experience before this, and shaped us into a coherent team that will make others sit up and take notice. I see the despair in his eyes sometimes!! He is strict and makes us disciplined whilst delivering training with grace and humour. He makes us better because we want to do well for him and that is the sign of a very good coach, indeed.... and if that wasn't enough... when he's unable to cox us his daughter steps in, who is incredible and really puts us through our paces!!

So there you have it. You can now see why I think that rowing has helped me so much over the last few months. It gives me great exercise, gets me out on the water in amongst some amazing scenery. It gives me sense of purpose, makes me part of a team, steps me out of my comfort zone on a regular basis and has got rid of some flabby bits. I know that if Oli could see me now, he'd be really proud of me and that fills my heart with joy too.

Next race is the World Champs in the Scillies!! Wish us luck!! FUCK!!!!!!!! (oops)