Party Time!!

There is no doubt that I'm going through a tricky patch at the moment after a relatively good patch. During this relatively good patch, I thought it would be a really great idea to throw a party. Nothing fancy, just some mates in the garden with drinks and snacks. Oli and I loved to throw parties and, even though I say so myself, we were pretty good at it. Every year we would host a Crayfish Lunch where we would go out with my Mum and Dad on the Friday and catch American Crays in the local river, catching over 400 sometimes. We'd then cook them as soon as we got home and have a big lunch party on the Saturday serving the crays, salads and some cold beef fillet for those who couldn't be arsed to eat crayfish (they are really fiddily). We'd wash the whole lot down with Aquavit and Rose and it was loads of fun. We'd also have drinks parties in the winter or just have friends round for lunch or supper regularly. It was our thing and we worked well together. Anyway, in the midst of my good patch, I thought it would be good idea to host a party sooner rather than later, with the idea that if I didn't do it soon, I may never and it would be a good, fun thing to do to thank all of those amazing friends who have been there for me over the last couple of years... (shit! has it really been two whole years of utter shite??). And to be fair to me, it would be good idea if I was strong enough but now, as it comes around, I'm not sure I am.

However, whatever I feel now, however much I'm in a tricky patch or a good patch, the party is on Saturday and it's too late to do anything other than go for it. Which is probably the best thing to do. I worry, of course. I worry about everything but now I also worry about the amount of drink I've bought; the snacks I'm doing; whether it's going to rain; whether people will think its weird that I've made it 4 - 8ish (I'm not sure I have the stamina for an all nighter!); whether people will have fun; whether I'll spend the entire time wishing Oli was here to go round and top up everyone's drink. And then there will be those moments I will miss like crazy like when I used to brush past him as he was making small talk with someone and stroke my hand along his back as I went past... or the looks we would pass across the crowded room in which we could communicate anything with ease from ' help! save me from this conversation' to 'I bloody love you'... and dissecting the events of the evening whilst clearing up the empty bottles at the end of the night.

I know I need to do it, but by Christ, it's going to be tough!!